Did something really ridiculous today. Really really ridiculous. This morning when I left my car, and was so preoccupied with taking the items from the boot, I left the car running and went off to the office. Yes the engine was still running when I returned 9 hours later to retrieve the car, and the key was there, and no one drove it away!
Such a mindless act! The first reaction that was caught was one of panic, as I walked towards the car, felt my pocket and realized the key was not there. Greeted this anxiety, and very quickly it left to allow its nemesis, Relief to enter. Well at least the car is still here! That was the thought. So quickly took a peek into the car and there it was, the key!
So I opened the door, and twisted the key, and shocked was I. Oh my goodness. The engine was running. Sat into the car and felt the heat, as well as the continuous stream of anxious thoughts. ‘Will the car explode? Why is it so hot? Is the radiator burning? Why is the heat meter still at average level?’ It goes on and on. Kleshas have this ability, when they start streaming, they never stop until an action is done. So I picked up the phone and called my brother who is working as a car mechanic. Though he assured that nothing will be wrong, the mind is half convinced, and continued on its stories all the way on the drive home.
Once it got tired of telling stories about the car, it turned its attention to itself. ‘How the hell could this have happened? Haven’t you been meditating every single day? Haven’t you been mindful of your breath throughout the journey? Haven’t you this haven’t you that?’ It’s astounding the number of questions arising in such a short span of time.
And, like the earlier stories, once the questions run its course they naturally stop. The only one that left behind, waiting to be contemplated on later on is ‘What is this teaching?’
It doesn’t bother a bit that such a mindless act can still happen, nor what will happen to the car after this, nor the fact that it doesn’t bother a bit. This is just another condition coming to fruition, while arising the way for some consequences in the future. One thing for sure is life will still go on, the fallibility of human behavior will still manifest, and no one is here to claim ownership of them.
Some other thought of someone dear in the past seems to be clinging on more strongly lately. Maybe this incident is a condition to contemplation on the more pressing attachment.
It’s gonna be a long night tonight. And hopefully the car can start tomorrow morning.