Saturday, August 31, 2013

Crazy Heart

What a good year.

About practice, every day’s been a practice but formal sittings were few.

No wonder that this little heart gets worked up harder more often lately. I still remember the time when I had been more expressive outwardly, that was the time when every little thing gets this little heart worked up and every bit of feelings had an outlet. Then during those intensely meditative years, I’ve accustomed to a less reactive mode of living, so much so that even when the past year had been lacking in practice somehow I’ve been able to keep much under control.

Lately I’ve realized that even then, when the stakes are high and feelings intense, all that this little heart wants is just to be heard. To rant. To be understood.

While at the same time it continues to seek to understand. To listen. And to accept.

Yet it hides. It runs. And it stabs itself.

What a crazy heart.