Answers

Many a times we find the answers we need in the most uncanny places.

By coincidence, chanced upon the poster for this movie at a friend's place yesterday, coupled with some chance meetings with interesting prospects and old friends, I was led to this scene which happened to be one of the few movie scenes that stuck in my memory.

Three times I had watched this, including this time. First before my encounter with Buddha's teachings, second when I had some basic understanding and now third. All three times opened up a sense of bewilderment, of awe.

All unhappiness stems from within. And unknowingly the past few years I've still been living with the shadows of conflicts, self-blame and sense of lack stemming from the events from a recent past. Just like the handsome character in this scene, I sought all over for resolution, building the unhappiness and sense of unworthiness through a wild goose chase.

Then in a flash in the pan, coming face to face with this force that is thoroughly unrecognisable yet totally familiar within us. It dwells just within the layers of the same heart, and while it happily does it's work to stir the heart, it somehow senses the illusory nature of it's own existence and so maintains its position by hiding from it's pursuer. A dog chasing it's own tail will always sense and creates the enemy behind it. In this case, even the dog don't realize it's just a reflection of it's object of pursuit.

I know for now that all this time the drama has been beautifully fabricated. It's time to release it. All karmic consequences can never be 消除，they can only be 化. Transformation through realizations. The only thing we need to focus on is just the seed we sow in this present, moment by moment.

Thank you for this wonderful scene, as well as the chance meetings. The heavy heart feels light now and I look forward to my fourth encounter.

Crazy Heart

What a good year.

About practice, every day’s been a practice but formal sittings were few.

No wonder that this little heart gets worked up harder more often lately. I still remember the time when I had been more expressive outwardly, that was the time when every little thing gets this little heart worked up and every bit of feelings had an outlet. Then during those intensely meditative years, I’ve accustomed to a less reactive mode of living, so much so that even when the past year had been lacking in practice somehow I’ve been able to keep much under control.

Lately I’ve realized that even then, when the stakes are high and feelings intense, all that this little heart wants is just to be heard. To rant. To be understood.

While at the same time it continues to seek to understand. To listen. And to accept.

Yet it hides. It runs. And it stabs itself.

What a crazy heart.